Summary: Tony Archer makes good on his marriage counseling offer.
Warnings/spoilers: No warnings; spoilers for 2x18
Word count: 300
A/N: Written for week 2 of the sd_ldws. The genre was romance, the prompt was "You don't know what you're talking about," and the word limit was 300. Title from a Frank Sinatra song.
It's become a running gag, this marriage counselor business. Tony meets them at Wailana Coffee House when they need help with a case. Steve and Danny bicker, Tony breaks out the proverbial gavel, and somehow they end up paying the tab.
"You want my advice?" Tony asks, after Steve and Danny have spent ten minutes arguing over instances in which it would be acceptable to dangle a suspect out of a helicopter. "Well, too bad," Tony says when Danny opens his mouth. "I'm giving it anyway. You listening?"
"I'm listening," Steve says, and Danny glares at him.
"You're gonna go home," says Tony. "Open a bottle of wine--a nice merlot, maybe some shiraz. Light a few candles, put on some romantic music. None of that Backstreet Boys crap, something really romantic. You lock the door and you don't answer your phone for anyone all night, no matter what." He spreads out his hands as if to say, Yeah?
Steve looks so dumbstruck that Danny almost wants to take a picture. Danny starts to say You've got it all wrong or You don't know what you're talking about, but instead he says, "Uh, thanks, Tony."
"You're welcome," Tony says graciously. "That trick saved my marriage."
"You're divorced," says Steve.
"Only 'cause she screwed that son-of-a-bitch yoga instructor," Tony says, grabbing his hat. "Gotta go, I got a date with a real nice lady I met at Safeway."
"Wow," Danny says, watching him leave. "I think we've hit a new low. Getting relationship advice from a guy who's been divorced three times."
"Who eats refried beans out of the can," Steve adds.
"And doesn't wear shoes."
They're quiet for a moment before Steve says, "I have a bottle of Pinot Noir at home."
Danny grabs his keys. "There's some Sinatra in the car."