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FIC: Best Served Cold (Steve/Danny + Kono, PG-13)

Title: Best served cold
Prompt: Kono starts texting/emailing Danny pictures of Steve in his uniform. At really inopportune moments.
Pairings: Steve/Danny (kind of), Danny/Kono friendship (if humiliation is a sign of love)
Rating/content: PG-13 for innuendo
Content/spoilers: Humor; blink-and-you-missed-it spoilers for the S1 finale
Word count: ~800
A/N: This was written for the Suit and Uniform Kink Meme. Yes, I filled my own prompt. >.< Why does this always happen to me. Thanks to shes_gone for glancing over it.

Best served cold

It starts when Governor Kim requests that the team attend a fundraising dinner for her reelection campaign. Steve digs his heels in, claiming he's busy with an important case, but then Governor Kim claims that she lost his paperwork for the new computer monitor he requested, so they all have to go. Steve wears his dress blues and Constipation Face #3 all night.

On Monday, Kono emails pictures to everyone in the office, and Danny maybe stares at Steve's for a little too long. He rarely sees Steve in his uniform unless they've got a funeral to attend, and damn, sometimes Danny forgets how good he looks in it. Which, if he's honest, is probably for the best. It's bad enough that he's got a thing for that stupid wristwatch.

"Nice, eh?" says Kono from behind him, and Danny quickly minimizes the screen.

"Uh, yeah, thanks for sending those," he says, reaching for his coffee mug so he doesn't have to look at her.

She smiles and tells him they got that ballistics evidence back, and when she leaves Danny adds the email to his Saved folder.


A few days later, Danny gets an email from Kono. The subject line reads, "I saw these and thought of you!"

He clicks on the link and immediately chokes on his coffee. It's a site that sells calendars featuring men in uniform, except they're mostly out of uniform, by the looks of it. The link takes him to a calendar called "Hunks of the Navy," with a picture of a bare-chested guy wearing an officer's cap. He's got tattoos on his chest and biceps.

"Hey, I've got the--" Danny tries to close the window, but Steve has already stopped short at the sight of Danny's computer. "Um."

"Kono sent it to me," Danny blurts out, and feels his neck burning. "I, uh...I guess I know what she wants for Christmas."

"Ah," says Steve, eyes lingering on the computer screen. "Well, Chin got a hit on that IP address we were tracking, so we're gonna check it out. I'll call you if we find anything."

As soon as Steve leaves, Danny turns back to his computer to close the page. A notification for a new email pops up, a reply from Kono to her previous email. Oops, meant to send that to someone else. Sorry!

Danny curses under his breath and deletes the email.


He drops off Grace on Saturday night and talks to Rachel while Grace plays Angry Birds on his phone.

"Daddy, you got a text message," says Grace.

"I'll get it in a minute, baby."

"It's a picture of Uncle Steve," says Grace, holding up the phone. "He's in a jungle. And he's not wearing a shirt."

Danny nearly knocks the phone out of her hand in his haste to get it from her. He barely glances at the pic (dear god, where on earth did she find that one? he barely looks legal) before he clears the screen and shoves his phone into his pocket.

Rachel is watching him her arms crossed over her chest, eyebrows lifted. "Are you and Steve exchanging photographs?"

"Just..." Danny holds up a hand. "Don't."

"Because you could send him the photos you have from the -- what did they call it? The tighty-whitey contest."

"Excuse me, I have to go hang myself with my tie," says Danny.


He's pulling into the parking lot in front of headquarters when he gets a text on his phone. It's from Kono and the subject line reads, "ME report." He opens it as he maneuvers through the parking lot, looking for a space. The attachment is a picture of Steve at what appears to be an officer commissioning ceremony. He's wearing his dress whites, complete with the white cap and gloves.

Danny crashes into a parked police car.

He doesn't tell anyone what really happened, just that he got distracted by some asshole on a bike and he's fine, really, not a scratch. Kono smirks at him, but he doesn't say anything to her. His mother always said that revenge was a dish best served cold.

Two weeks later, Danny sends Kono an email with two attachments. The first is a bill for his car repairs. The second is a picture of Jenna with her sleeves rolled up, exposing the edges of the dark blue star tattooed on the inside of her bicep. He can hear Kono coughing up tea from the other end of the hallway.

A few minutes later, he gets a reply: Truce?

Danny grins. Not on your life.
Tags: fic, fic: h50, hawaii five-0, pairing: steve/danny

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