Summary: The team plays Nutsy Bolts (online Apples to Apples with a chat feature) but doesn’t invite Cobb. Cobb feels left out. [Based on this prompt from inception_kink. This is a brief interlude in my crack series.]
Pairings: One-sided Eames/Arthur
Rating/Warnings: R for crack, language, talk of sex, and references to cannibalism (idek)
Word count: 900
A/N: This is ridiculous. To the three people who will actually read this...enjoy, I guess. /o\ Based
This series, in order:
Cardinal Rule #1 (previously untitled)
Heaven Is a Place on Earth
PenroseStairs: Hey, Yusuf!
CobbxSaito4eva: hey, ariadne. hey, eames.
BAMF_69: HELLO DARLING
Arthur: This is so fucking stupid.
BAMF_69: WHATS STUPID
Arthur: This game. We have actual work to do. This isn’t “team building.” It’s procrastination.
BAMF_69: WE DONT EVEN HAVE THAT MUCH WORK TO DO ITS AN EASY JOB
Arthur: Eames, turn off your capslock. And learn to use punctuation.
BAMF_69: THAT TAKES TO MUCH TIME
PenroseStairs: Should we start the game?
>>>corn_pipe has entered the room<<<
CobbxSaito4eva: (ariadne, I thought this was a private room)
PenroseStairs: Hello, corn_pipe.
PenroseStairs: (I thought so too...must have clicked the wrong button, sorry)
corn_pipe: Hello, my name is Steven. I live in Minnesota. I am a car insurance salesman.
CobbxSaito4eva: hi, steven
BAMF_69: WHATEVER CAN WE JUST START
PenroseStairs: uh, sure.
>>>The game has started<<<
PenroseStairs: I have the worst cards
CobbxSaito4eva: me too
BAMF_69: I HAVE THE PERFECT CARD FOR THIS ROUND
corn_pipe: So, do you guys play nutsy bolts often?
CobbxSaito4eva: only on slow days at work
corn_pipe: Oh, do you all work together?
corn_pipe: What do you do? I sell car insurance.
CobbxSaito4eva: if we told you we’d have to kill you
CobbxSaito4eva: just kidding. it’s, uh, boring.
Arthur: Oh my god, Eames, The Dalai Lama is not sensual.
corn_pipe: So, does your boss know you’re playing this game?
BAMF_69: MAYBE I THINK HE IS
PenroseStairs: No, we didn’t tell him
corn_pipe: Why not? Maybe he would want to play.
Arthur: You’re disgusting.
corn_pipe: So, you just don’t want to invite him? Is that it?
BAMF_69: YOU LOVE IT ARTHUR
PenroseStairs: It’s not that.
CobbxSaito4eva: he’s just kind of...intense sometimes.
BAMF_69: I DO DISGUSTING THINGS WITH MY TONGUE TO I CAN SHOW YOU SOMETIME IF YOU WANT
PenroseStairs: I read a fic like that once
corn_pipe: Intense? How so?
Arthur: Can you all stop talking about fic for five minutes? Especially fic about me and Eames. It’s completely inappropriate in a work setting, such as it is.
BAMF_69: I CAN TIE A CHERRY WITH MY TONGUE
Arthur: I am ignoring you now.
PenroseStairs: Our boss...he just takes everything really seriously
PenroseStairs: And god, why does nutsy bolts keep giving me such awful cards?
corn_pipe: Is that a bad thing, to take things seriously?
BAMF_69: ALL OF MY CARDS ARE AWESOME
CobbxSaito4eva: he’s just kind of competitive. sometimes it’s not as fun.
corn_pipe: But nutsy bolts is a game. It’s supposed to be competitive.
BAMF_69: HEY ARTHUR PICK MY CARD
Arthur: That’s cheating.
CobbxSaito4eva: it’s just nutsy bolts. it’s supposed to be fun.
BAMF_69: NO ITS NOT
Arthur: Oh my god, is your card “Hillary Clinton”?
corn_pipe: I don’t think there’s anything wrong with healthy competition.
corn_pipe: Some people just live life to its fullest and are passionate. That’s not a bad thing.
CobbxSaito4eva: I never said it was :/
Arthur: That is disgusting. People are not “chewy.”
corn_pipe: Maybe your boss just wants to be friends with you guys and be involved.
BAMF_69: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW
BAMF_69: ALSO CARAMEL? YOU ARE THE MOST LITERAL NUSTY BOLTS PLAYER EVER
corn_pipe: Maybe sometimes he’s just really sensitive and doesn’t always know how to express himself.
PenroseStairs: That was my card! :D
corn_pipe: Maybe sometimes he wonders if you really even like him.
Arthur: I hate this game.
corn_pipe: Maybe you should just give him a chance and invite him sometime.
Arthur: Can we please finish playing so I can get back to work?
corn_pipe: You might be surprised by how fun and awesome he is.
BAMF_69: I DOUBT IT
corn_pipe: SHUT UP, EAMES.
PenroseStairs: Oh my god
corn_pipe: No, my name is Steven. I am a car insurance salesman from Minnesota. Who is Cobb?
Arthur: Jesus Christ.
PenroseStairs: Cobb! how did you get the link to this game?
corn_pipe: I told you. My name is not “Cobb.” It is Steven.
BAMF_69: NOT TO BE RUDE COBB BUT I’VE KNOWN IT WAS YOU SINCE THE BEGINNING
corn_pipe: I am a car insurance salesman from Minnesota.
corn_pipe: OMFG EAMES YOU DID NOT
BAMF_69: I DID TOO
BAMF_69: NEXT TIME PICK A BETTER USERNAME
CobbxSaito4eva: this is so awkward omg
PenroseStairs: No really, how did you find the game, Cobb?
Arthur: Can I leave? I have a lot of paperwork to do!
corn_pipe: I hacked into your work email.
PenroseStairs: Oh my god, can you do that!
CobbxSaito4eva: isn’t that against the law
corn_pipe: Well, it was worth it to find out what you guys really think of me. How else would I have found out that you don’t like hanging out with me?
PenroseStairs: That’s not what we said!
corn_pipe: Whatever, I’m leaving.
corn_pipe: Don’t ever ask me to play again.
corn_pipe: Because I won’t.
corn_pipe: I’m really leaving.
BAMF_69: ...SO WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE
corn_pipe: omg Eames ihu
>>>corn_pipe has left the room<<<
Arthur: Are we going to finish this game, or can I leave?
CobbxSaito4eva: it’s ariadne’s turn
CobbxSaito4eva: where is she
BAMF_69: PROLLY READING PORN IN ANOTHER TAB
Arthur: Oh, for fuck’s sake.
BAMF_69: SPEAKING OF
BAMF_69: DID YOU GUYS READ THE FIC WHERE ARTHUR AND I FUCK IN THE BACK SEAT OF A PORSCHE
PenroseStairs: Oh yeah, I read that earlier. It was so hot
CobbxSaito4eva: I haven’t! link?
Arthur: I hate you all and I hope you rot in limbo.
More Inception fic